Kidnapping and Murder

When I was about four years old, I had a small hollow rubber doll. I cut the doll’s mouth open and would push food into it. I cut another hole in the appropriate place for the food to come out. I loved my little doll. One morning my doll was missing from the place where I had kept it. I asked Mommy about the missing doll. She pretended not to know. I suspected that she had taken it. I became very insistent about wanting my doll back. As I became more and more sure that Mommy had taken my doll, I became more and more furious. I whined about it for weeks. I did not want to give Mommy any peace until she returned my beloved doll. I felt that I needed to punish Mommy, even though I too was suffering from having to whine. I continued to be angry with Mommy for years about my doll. Many years later, I realized that the food in the doll probably rotted and that the doll had developed a body odor. I could then understand why she had kidnapped and murdered my beloved doll. Since I still get angry whenever someone takes something that belongs to me, I apparently never completely forgave her.

Human Osculation Video

On June 2, 2005, I posted my monologue on Human Osculation to my Blog. Following is a video based on this monologue.

Shot to Death

My father died in 1951, when he was 58 years old. His death certificate said that he died from cancer. Actually, he died from a gunshot wound. He was shot in the abdomen more than 40 years earlier, when he was a teenager. He grew up in the country where doctors were few and far between. Either he did not go to a doctor or went to a doctor, who did nothing about the bullet in his abdomen. When he was 57 years old, the bullet came out of the surface of his abdomen along with pus and blood. He then went to a doctor, who discovered that cancer had developed around the bullet. They operated on him to remove the cancer. However, a few months later, the doctors discovered that the cancer had metastasized to his liver and was untreatable. This was a rare case of someone dying from a gunshot wound more than 40 years after he was shot.

Secret Codes

When I was about ten years old, I played with some children who exchanged coded messages with their friends. Their codes were very simple and usually consisted of substituting another letter or a number for the correct letter. I amazed them by being able to quickly decode their secret messages.

I then created my own code, which no one else would be able to decode. Actually the other children didn’t have any idea as to how to decode the simple codes that they were using. I found that other children usually did not understand many of the things I was doing. Therefore, I often did things by myself without trying to get anyone else involved. This was true for my coding system. My system used two letters for each letter, space or punctuation mark. The number of letter combinations I used for each letter, space or punctuation mark matched the frequency of that item in normal use. This made it almost impossible to decode. I felt that my system was brilliant. I even had fantasies about selling it to the US Government, but I never got around to doing that.

Remembering My Term as President

Each summer, Methodist Youth Fellowship members from the entire south side of Chicago went to a MYF camp in the country south of Chicago. I particularly remember the 1948 camp. There were about sixty teenagers at this camp. At the beginning of the camp, the youth in each cabin held a meeting for the purpose of deciding what the cabin wanted for activities for the week and to elect the cabin’s representative to the Camp Council. Since this meeting in my cabin seemed to be floundering, I took a lead in getting consensus as to what our cabin wanted. Naturally, I was elected to represent the cabin at the Camp Council. At the first meeting of the Camp Council, I also took the lead in getting the group to make decisions. As a result of my participation, I was elected to be the Camp President. The camp was really run by adult leaders and staff. The role of the Camp President and the Camp Council was to select and organize special activities. I was especially involved in planning and directing the camp talent show. I wrote and took a leading part in one of the skits in the show. I don’t remember all of the details of this skit. It had something to do with me being beaten down by many adversaries such as fears, failures and other forces of evil until it began to appear that I was on the verge of surrendering to them. Then in a sudden unexpected surge of strength, I powerfully attacked and vanquished my adversaries.

What I Learned about Investing

From May 1952 to June 1952, I was a runner on the floor of the Chicago Board of Trade. I would take the orders from my employer’s phone desk to the pit where the trade was to be made. The orders were to purchase or sell 10,000 bushel lots of corn, soybeans, or other commodities. There were people in the pits called scalpers. They made money by constantly buying or selling commodities as the prices changed from minute to minute. Each time they would try to sell for just a little more than they paid. Since I was sitting around much of the time, I made imaginary purchases and sales. At the end of each day, I would determine whether I made or lost money. I noticed that on some days, I made money, but on most days, I lost money. So I gave up my short career as an imaginary scalper. However, I learned a valuable lesson; that is, to stay out of stock, commodity and other such markets unless I know what I am doing.

Making it from Scratch

In April 2005, I noticed that I needed more storage space around my desk. I then went to where I usually go whenever I have an unfilled need. I went to the Internet. Here I found some modular storage units. There were many different kinds that I could use to meet my storage needs. I ordered eight of these units. Some were open shelves and some had two or three drawers. I was naively expecting something resembling the pictures on their web site. However, when they arrived, I noticed that my 15 inch storage cubes came in flat three inch high cartons.

My first thought was that they had made a mistake. I quickly looked at the carton. There it was, a picture of the 15 inch cube with three drawers that I had ordered. I quickly opened the carton. Out fell numerous assorted pieces of wood and a hodgepodge of nails, screws, and other bits and pieces. There were 150 pieces for this one unit. Included were six pages of instructions of how to transform all of these pieces into the unit pictured on the box. I was horrified.

The instructions began with a warning that failure to read the instructions thoroughly could result in many problems during assembly. After looking over the 150 pieces on the floor in front of me, I was sure that they were right.

At that time, I couldn’t handle what felt like an impossible task. So I went into the kitchen and began compulsively eating potato chips. I had gone to groups where I was taught that I could have anything I wanted. All I had to do was to visualize that I already had it. So I started to visualize that the 150 pieces were assembling themselves into a completed three drawer storage unit. Then I visualized myself going into the next room and seeing the completely assembled unit. I was beginning to feel pretty good. This visualization stuff was fun. So I stopped visualizing and excitedly hurried into the next room to see my finished unit. As I looked into the room, my heart sank. Instead of seeing the completed unit, I saw all of the 150 pieces still lying where I had left them.

I then realized that it would probably take a very long time if I waited for the units to assemble themselves. So I decided to give up on this visualization stuff and assemble them myself. First I thoroughly read the instructions. I then learned the names of all of the 150 pieces and carefully arranged them so that related pieces were together. I then painstakingly put every board, screw, dowel and nail into its proper place. After what seemed like many days of tedious work, I finally put my completed units where I wanted them.

I then began to think about the trend to selling unassembled pieces instead of assembled products, and to expect customers to build their own products. I shutter with fear when I think about where mankind is headed.

There is a popular book entitled, “Build Your Own Personal Computer.” Currently only a few people are interested in buying computer parts and building their own computers. However, I can imagine a time when all of the computer stores will show me pictures of completed computers but when I buy one, they will give me a box of computer parts and expect me to assemble the parts into a working computer.


There is another popular book entitled, “Build Your Own Sports Car.” Currently only a few sports car enthusiasts are interested in building their own automobiles. However, I can imagine a time when all car dealers will show me pictures of completed cars but when I buy one, they will give me huge cartons of automobile parts and expect me to assemble my own car.

Then there is a book entitled, “Build Your Own Low Cost Log Home.” Currently only a few people are interested in spending the many months required to build their own homes. However, I can imagine a time when all realtors will show me pictures of homes but when I buy one they will send me truck loads of building materials and expect me to build my own home.

I even found a book entitled, “Brain Surgery for Beginners.” On the cover is a Swiss pocket knife. I can imagine a time in the more distant future when I will be expected to do my own brain surgery using only their book and a pocket knife.

All of this will give a new meaning to the old phase, “making it from scratch.”